wasting time away [open]

[KAYLA RAE COLE]

It was yet another day of hell, waking up to go into therapy and be triggered from memories and right back down the spiral of wanting to slice into her arms what she couldn't tell anyone else or make them believe. She stared down at the scars up her arms, some worse than others from being reopened to cause more pain and keep the writing on her skin of all that she'd been through but no one ever cared to know or admit of it being their fault. She did this to herself out of guilt and blame, not for attention like all the therapists and her family said. Even her friends had abandoned her, believing she were copying them in their ways when really she just joined because she had no other way to cope but physical pain upon herself to get her point across and to distract her from crying like she did day by day, night by sleepless night.

Looking across the grassy stretch, she shook her head as she scratched at one of the recent cuts, where she had managed to grab a hold of something sharp and hidden it. She didn't care who knew; she could have used her nail, for all they knew. Her black manicured nail that they'd had her keep short but she still managed to cut deep enough to satisfy her needs. Managing to rip open the scabbing gash, she hissed as she felt the cooling numb of adrenaline, lying her head back against the wall as she sat against it in bliss, letting the blood trickle down her arm as she quickly wiped it away with her hands. She dried them on the grass, continuing this until it finally managed to stop. She'd been forced to stop wearing sleeves here, the rules being she couldn't hide them. She had make up for that though in her stash. Lifting her head idly, she sat and stared at the bright sunny sky as she bathed her bared skin in it, her arm throbbing in the way she had grown to love as she managed a sad smile.

It hurt to smile anymore. It had for years. She hadn't truly been the real her since she was seven, before everything went to shit with everyone around her, mainly over her. She always managed to cause a problem, to make everything fall apart even though honestly, it had been a mask and a facade all along. She just found the way to crack down everyone's wall, including hers. She was used to it by now, but the pain still remained the same, only aggressible heightening, never once leaving her to be in peace. She hated it, it made her physically sick to be this way. Maiming herself to feel wanted, to feel like she was alive and to bleed when she hated pain and blood, having had so many surgeries and doctors from her cancer. The therapists here didn't care. They never let her go to a real doctor, the nurses here shit and not knowing anything of her condition, let alone knowing what to do to check on her or see if she needed surgery.

Digging in her purse, she pulled out her trusted iPod as she listened with it blaring in her ears, letting it drown out all around her for a while as she leaned against the wall, her arms on her lap with one facing up, the blazing cut drying in the sun as she didn't want to stain her favorite shorts. Blood was a fucking bitch to get out of clothes, she'd learned in her late nights of sleeves of her hoodies and from her bed if it still bled through the night.

ATTIRE

[/color] plain white tee, denim shorts, sneakers CREDIT SAM !? of A Changed Hogwarts. Don't remove the credit or I will find you. LYRICS animal i have become - three days grace NOTES distraction WORD COUNT 624 [/center][/size][/blockquote][/blockquote]